i miss you because I am lonely

I'm lonely because you're not here. :(

:)

we're both moving forward w/different directions;

but surely, memories will never stop reminding us about the things that we've gone through.

all those ups and downs, how we tried to hold on, how we fought the battle and won.

there'll be changes for sure,

what had happened in the past might never happen again--

but truly, you will never be forgotten.

you've once became a part of me.

how you took my heart away and became the only reason why it's beating.

but now, something came up and there's no other way out..

i'm stuck in here already and perhaps--there's no use fighting..

acceptance is the only way i know

and guess i'll just consider the fact that nothing lasts forever.

but don't take all the bad sides of me.

after all that happened, after everything --

it's my turn to give you all the gratitude that you deserve.

I've loved you more than anything else,

more than I could ever imagine..

as what I'm always telling you, you were my first TRUE love..

my first heartache..

to be honest, as I keep uttering those words that would hurt you,

my soul's dying.. my heart's hurting.. my mind's wanting to explode.

i miss you. i miss you so bad..but I no longer have the right to say these words..

i still wanna tell you "i love you"..but the situation will just get worse.

so I better stop myself and bury my feelings together w/ those memories we had.

i've never been good at expressing myself..

kahit malayo ako sayo, kahit hindi na tayo magkita, kahit wala ng pag-asa,

tandaan mo, mahalaga ka rin sakin, iniisip parin kita..umiiyak parin ako gabi gabi dahil sayo. :)

mamimiss ko lahat lahat.

i will never get tired playing your favorite songs..

yun lang un makakapagpaalala sakin sayo. mahal kita pero hanggang dito nalang ee.:)

masakit parin ngayon. pero kelangan magpretend..ayaw kong malaman mo un totoong nararamdaman ko.

shit.hirap na hirap na ako pero kaya natin to :)

sabi mo nga, hanggang dito nalang storya natin.

*crying*

sun doesn't shine without you. :)

i love you.

April 26, 201o :)

kaya pala. nagiging close ulit.haha!ba't ba ako nagseselos?wala na akong right. :)

true love.

There will always be one thing that would remind me of you, one thing that I've never learned from my past relationships. That is -- "TRUE LOVE".

This is the toughest decision I've ever encountered. You know, I never want us to be JUST-FRIENDS. I've been through ups and downs several times before I had the chance to officially call you mine. But to think of how you just ended up everything, really hurts me big time. Not just me, but both of us..

Avoiding you will never be easy for me. It's like, I've been hit by a truck 10 times already yet i'm still alive. as i'm writing this very last entry about you, hindi ko mapigilan umiyak. The pain I'm feeling right now is hundred times painful than of hurting myself physically.

Remember, I'm not doing this dahil may iba na, alam ko, pinag-isipan ko mabuti to before I sleep and pagkagising ko. As I checked my phone, tinignan ko kun sino un mga nagtext. Nun tinignan ko, puro messages mo. Sinubukan ko matulog ulit then nung nagising ako, i checked my phone for the second time. Nagtext na yung isa. Wala akong nireplyan. Hinayaan ko pareho. Hindi ko na pinansin phone ko. iniwan ko nalang sa room instead. then nag-isip ako habang nakikinig ng music sa ipod, shuffle mode. biglang nagplay "incomplete". naiyak ako. ='( biglang nagflash back lahat lahat ng happy moments natin together. bigla akong tumakbo sa room, kinuha un phone and nireplyan ka w/ a blank message. There, I realized na ikaw parin ung hinahanap hanap ko. Shit. ang hirap. Ako na un nag-decide, yet, every minute hindi ko paring mapigilan tignan un phone ko and magexpect na makita un name mo sa inbox ko. And pag nakita ko na nagtext ka, sobrang excited ako basahin yun. ;'|

Now, i don't know what to do anymore. Naiisip ko lang, at this very moment, is to return this life God has given to me.. what's the point of living if the only reason why I still hold on is already gone.

Stop wasting your time. Wag mo na akong hintayin. Hindi dahil wala ka nang babalikan but because I'm not worthy. Wag kang umiyak. Mahal na mahal parin kita. :)

i love you, goodbye.

"I Love You, Goodbye"

Wish I could be the one

The one who could give you love

The kind of love you really need

Wish I could say to you

That I'll always stay with you

But baby that's not me

You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you

Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do

Oh I could say that I'll be all you need

But that would be a lie

I know I'd only hurt you

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can

Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you

I don't really wanna go

But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do

You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be

Who'll give you something better

Than the love you'll find with me

Oh I could say that I'll be all you need

But that would be a crime

I know I'd only hurt you

I know I'd only make you cry

I'm not the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone

Is the hardest thing to do

When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you

Baby it tears me up inside

But I'll never be the one you're needing

I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never ganna work out

I love you, goodbye

goodbye.

I won't use my phone anymore or might just change number instead.

I'll delete everything that reminds me of you.

Memories will surely hurt me.

I will miss calling you baby.

10 - 2 = 8 .This is how it ends.

You won't hear my voice again.you won't see me again.

you won't hear anything from me again.

Goodbye my one true love.

np: one last cry.

I love you.. for the last time. :)

While I was reading her latest blog entry, I can't help myself but cry.. It's not important for her to know how much tears I shed. But to see the current situation, how someone is suffering from pain just because of my stupidity, that is something i cannot stand anymore.

I always wish I have the strength to fight for my own stand but instead of doing so, I just end up crying.. crying w/ endless tears that would never seem to stop. Thinking of how else should I cheer myself is no longer possible without her by my side. I need her; her warm embrace, her hands and her smile. Those are the only things I know that could soften my heart and could give me more than enough courage to hold on.. but there's a big wall between us. No matter how hard I try to climb that wall, even if I'm nearly reaching the top and only one step from holding her hands , as my fragile heart starts to complain, I end up losing myself and fall again..

Tell me, how long will this confusion swallow my way-of-thinking and how else will I survive from this misery. I don't wanna get stuck in this situation forever. If only I have the power to control other people's mind and if only I could press rewind and pause the happiest moment I had w/ you..I might just wanna stay there forever. But neither of my thoughts would come to reality. Everything's said and done. All I could ever do now is deal with every circumstances that may come along and let God control the rest of it.

I love you.. I still love you.. It's just this confusion thing gives me the idea that I don't -- anymore. but try to look deeper and perhaps, you'd notice my heart waiting for you to complete its beat. just like old times.

I'm sorry. But for now, I must go with the flow.. there's nothing left with me.. my heart and my mind has been carried away. I can't see any ray of hope anymore. Even your presence has been taken away from me already and even if I scream my lungs out just for you to hear me, nothing will ever happen.

I'm getting weaker each day, I almost forgot how strong I was before from the very moment I had you...

Sana panaginip nalang lahat..

Sana magising na ako..

I still love you, I'm pretty sure about that.
But I don't know until when these feelings would stay here.
I really want this relationship to work,
but to think of the possibilities that may happen --
I'm starting to lose hope.

1 month w/o seeing you is quite long..
long enough for me to think and decide for myself.

it's about choosing between letting go and holding on.
should I just let go of everything and start a new beginning w/o someone else I don't love?
OR should I fight for my feelings and hold on?

I NEED ANSWERS. :(

..is hurting.

"kaya mo yan razilee.."

nag-uumpisa na ang laban. shit. kaya ko toh. T_T

ayaw ko maggive up. hindi ko kayaa! pero kung talagang kelangan na, wala na akong magagawa.besides okay na lahat.masaya na siya. :)

my last words.

Nun dumating ako sa life mo, andaming nasira, andaming nag-bago, nagkagulo lahat..Sorry..hindi ko intention na mangyari lahat lahat yun.. I didn't even expect na mamahalin kita. We've been through a lot at dahil dun pareho tayong natutong lumaban, maging strong and most of all, natututo tayo magmahal ng totoo. you weren't my first. I've encountered a lot in my past relationships pero iba un naramdaman ko ngayon.ibang iba. ngayon lang ako umiyak ng sobra sobra, almost everyday, i even attempted to kill myself...you've changed me big time!

dami mong sinacrifice for me and now is my chance to thank you for everything.while i was typing my thoughts, at this very moment, naiiyak ako.hindi ko alam kung bakit. hindi ko mapigilan. siguro kasi mahal na mahal kita and i don't even know how else would I prove it..why? kasi WEAK ako. hindi ko kayang lumaban.sabagay.wala naman akong ipagmamalaki.

I'm happy..yes..I'm happy for you..lahat ng nawala, lahat ng nasira, ngayon ayos na lahat..alam ko masayang masaya ka na ngayon. lahat ng nawala sayo, nabalik na...Thank God! just ignore me.I'll be fine. sobrang nappressure na ako sa parents and others..and wanna know the painful part of everything? na instead tulungan mo akong lumaban/ maging strong, you're giving me all the reasons to lose hope.. I've never liked anyone else. I've never been this serious and faithful..

I get jealous easily, konting makita ko lang, nagseselos na ako. but I've no right to complain kasi wala naman akong kwenta.tama. masaya ka na.hindi mo na ako kelangan ngayon.masaya ako kasi I've had the chance to hug you tight and said those three words though I get nothing from you.. nasungitan pa! :'( naiinis ako sayo! nagseselos ako ky kristine, sakanya and naiinis ako bakit hindi mo ako maintindihan..pero this is not the time para magalit..I'm not saying goodbye however, I'm just giving you freedom. -- I'm not letting you go, I'm just giving you time to be happy not just w/ me but w/ other people..

MAHAL NA MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA more than my life.. I'll wait for you..I won't look for anyone else..you own my heart...


YOU'RE FREE! I'll see you soon -- my life.

----------------

np: good bye

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

-------

as you read this, i don't want even a drop of tear from your eyes to fall down.--please don't say goodbye --- don't ever think that there's someone else --- just let me take the consequence -- let me hurt myself for now -- let my soul die -- i love you.

kailangan kayanin.

I'm losing hope. I'm losing myself.I just wanna die.

too many options.

where should I start?

hurting

no wonder why there are people who commit suicide.now i know the feeling.
sabay sabay problema.sa family and sa lovelife.anhirap pag hindi pinapaniwalaan un sinasabi mo.sawang sawa na ako umiyak.i've been crying all day, trying to recall those good times, happy memories we had together.but to think of the current situation we're facing (referring to someone) , nakakapanghina.lalo na pag alam mo na mahal na mahal mo un tao pero hindi mo magawang pag-laban kasi natatakot ka sa possibleng mangyari.pressure sa parents, sa sibling and cousins.nakakabaliw!if only i could be independent enough to leave this place para magawa ko un gusto ko.un walang pumipigil sakin.walang nagccontrol. i'm in need of freedom.now, i don't know what to do.gusto ko maging fair.gusto ko mawala.gusto ko lumayo sa mga taong mahal ko.gusto ko mag-isa.

antanga tanga ko talaga. -_-

MISS NA MISS NA KITA

...

SANAY NA NAMAN PALA..okay.

how do you say NO w/o hurting someone?

CAAAAN'T WAAIIT =D

argh.

annoy me and ill crack your skull open and suck your brains out with a straw ! x(

bad romance

the best parin si hayley . <3

=O

this is not right!

happy 8th month

=(