pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

I woke up early before sunrise w/ fake smile on my face. Summoning up what just gone off last night really raze my mood and thinking how else would I recover from it. Still, part of it was a little feeling of happiness believing that I am still your only one. However, uncertainty still remains and this makes me uneasy most times.

Your words, the way you utter them, are most likely the opposite from your actions. Now, tell me, how do you expect me to believe you?

I’m hurting, emotionally, and don’t question me as if you don’t know why cause you always know the answer. Sincerely, this is the first time I shed tears over someone because of inescapable pain. You’ll never know how it feels because your heart doesn’t belong to me completely.

If unexpected thing arises all of a sudden, please don’t be bothered by it. After all, it’s you I always care about. Don’t mind me for whatever reason. Go on. Make a decision lying on what you think as right and you think will make you satisfied. Feelings are just feelings. It fades. Pain is temporary. Love always lasts. In the end, things will get back to where they belong.

clueless

Feelings are brimming at this moment wherein my surroundings are packed up w/ thoughts of you. Confusion is more likely the best term and apparently, this is nothing unusual for me just as how it appeared on my previous blog entries. I was blinded by reality just like how darkness is surrounding me at this very moment in which only shadows and lights reflecting from my laptop’s screen are visible. Still, this feeling is weird and awkward. I’m CLUELESS and blasting music is my only outlet whereas thinking about identical things over and over.

However, Love seemed to be overflowing for US and jealousy has been part of it. Otherwise, TRUST is the only thing that pushes me through that’s why I’m still here -- holding on. These hours of darkness will always be memorable wherein you utter those 3 words [I love you] which I have been longing to hear since then. Those 3 words amend my whole perspective. You have no clue, really, on how you just made me feel. HAPPINESS has finally been brought back.

jealousy.

Forgetting you seem to be the toughest part however it's for the best just so someone won't get hurt. For once, let’s call it sacrifice. Sacrificing is not easy for it can ruin everything. It’s like you’re alive, breathing, but inside, you’re completely dying.

Until now, my mind has been bothered by a lot of things to the extent that there are questions that were still left unanswered. Why would I still bother to ask when changes won’t transpire anyway? Until now, I feel culpable and that I couldn’t stop blaming myself for what I just did. Ever since I enter your life, I never intended to produce such mess. I’ve been a total distraction to you. My apologies! I truly didn’t mean to dig up every details of your life.

Every day is getting worse cause these feelings get deeper each day and part of it is jealousy. You may not be aware – but – really – you make me feel so uneasy. Uneasy about things you’ve just said lately but without assurance or whatsoever. Guess I am not yet ready for consequences. I’m so scared that one day; you’ll walk out of my life and might just suddenly realize that you fall out of love.

Please don't let our sweetest hello turn into sweetest yet painful goodbye.

senseless

Basically, everyone is allowed to take a step forward and enter my so-called life, but only a few are luckily permitted to be a part of it nonetheless. So then, how is this so? Breathe in, make a grin, we'll go deeper.

Each waking day, as I bid good morning to my ever loved earthlings, as I inevitably open my eyes to see the beauty that this big blue marble has for me, I encounter too many species of my kind. Some of them would greet me with a smile, whereas others would have their eyebrow raised.

From these facts and beyond, where do our paths lead us now? If you then consider yourself human, breathing and apparently living in this vicious sphere, then you have the right to enter my world. But everything does not end thereupon. Being able to enter is one thing, but being able to stay is another. You'll have to do things and sacrifices should we consider, in favor of my pleasure of course, to make me believe that you undoubtedly deserve my trust, my love and my entire self. Confused? It's simple, folk. Just give me one brilliant reason on why I should welcome you aboard. One is enough, two is too much, give me three and I'll kick your ass.

A bit scary and challenging as it may seem though. But worry not, I ain't sophisticated. I'd rather have it simple than to have it twisted and dazzled. Trust me, it won't be that strenuous, it won't burn the totality of carbs planted in your system, not even half of it I swear. All you have to do.. is to be you. Hence, now you see.. it isn't interlaced, is it?

And here's the thing. If, by any chance, you'll be able to catch my sympathy and be able to capture my attention as well. Hurray, earthling! You have me, all of me. Then everything is up to you. Will you consider my presence as one good catch, or will you consider it as the otherwise?

Blah. Blah. I know. I am not making any sense. Pardon, creature. I am just.. problematic, I guess.

every moment counts.

LET GO. I won’t. I can’t. I should not. I must not.

You probably wouldn’t distinguish nor notice me in pain and surely won’t get any hint. For once I will tell you, pain is merely inevitable for me however you shouldn’t be bothered by it. Whether or not, your love is real, it doesn’t really matter. Do what you feel is right and what makes you satisfied. Besides, I’m good at pretending and keeping things myself. If I would just be given a chance, allow me to speak-out all my thoughts and express my feelings. Don’t ask why. Just in case or if by any chance, this fragile heart gives up, I won’t regret a thing. As long as I could, I’d take every risk and any possible consequences that might occur. Only for the one I love the most.

Remember,

“If you have any chance to take the moment that you know will be memorable, grab it. Always think that next time is always too far. Every moment counts.”

take chances

I always bear in mind that feelings aren’t undying. At one point in time, it can die away and once it does only one word would remain engraved– MEMORIES. Some of us rather most of us hold on to memories alone. If you attempt to think deeper, people get tired and that’s when giving up is the only option left for them to grasp. Not all the time we’re strong enough to clash the battle. That’s when winning and losing start to take over. Take chances. Let not pride gulp you down yet let it be the opposite. When you love someone, show it, express it, prove it, and utter it before it’s too late.

missing a certain someone.

This feeling is odd and unstoppable. I’m missing you almost every second of the day like my day is incomplete when I don’t get a glimpse of you. Particularly now that we’ve became closer. I just want to stay beside you even in complete silence and never desire to leave your side. As days gone by slowly, my feelings for you get deeper each day & I’m drowning from my own feelings. I just want to hug you at this moment and let know you how contented I am to finally find the happiness I’ve once lost.

Please set aside the blames and regrets caused by your past and take one step forward. As we all know, everything happens because it has to and it’s for the better not because there’s a reason. Sometimes, a certain reason FAILS us because we consider that reason as unforeseen where in fact, we’re the one making that reason exists.
Tell me you love me one more time and every day. Cheer up and let go of the pain and misery. Blame no one and don’t let someone blame you. Life is a matter of choice. Choose what you think is right, let go and move on.

happines beyond limit

So, this is like my 2ng blog account after posting my 12^th entry at livejournal.com.

Nuisances never stop entering everyone’s life. It keeps on worrying us until we measure our capability upon facing our own dilemmas. Everything has changed in an instance wherein I didn’t even discern how it came up to this point. It’s like, yesterday was misery and now, everything was enclosed by happiness. For once, I’ve come to think of: “Can it be just happiness alone wherein happiness is beyond limit?”. Is that possible in any case and any point of instance? Well, I guess not. As I’ve gone through diverse consequences in life, I can conclude and could finally make my own judgment that happiness is temporary. Hopefully not at this point in which I find myself wanting to survive again.

palabras que se quedaron sin decir.

Confusion. This thing bothers me a lot lately. Ever since I enter your life, I never intended to become part of it. I’m pretty much at ease about us being totally strangers back then. Summoning up all those words that you’ve said before upsets me a lot. Those callous words make me shiver as if I’m going to crash right away. Instead of showing everyone what I truly feel, I decided to carry on and wore a mask w/ fake smiles. That’s all I am good at...

You would never know but this happiness is overflowing from the time we became “good friends”. (Well, that’s all we could ever be I guess). I know there’s someone else in your heart completing its bit and there’s nothing else I can do about it but – to be contented.

I’m truly confused right at this moment and I don’t know where to place myself. I don’t want to avoid you, not at this point wherein you’re hurting. Before I get there, I’ll make sure you’ve already moved on... I don’t want to leave you like this. It doesn’t matter. Pain is inevitable. We’ll get through it – in time.